Thanks for the 50 cents tip..

First of all.. Happy Bday to Susan~ (not me, another susan.. >_>)

Susan, if you are reading this, you probably will figure out what I’m about to say just from the title.. I went with Susan and a few of her friends tonight to celebrate her birthday. The last stop was at a bubbletea place on College street close to Spadina called 168 Teashop or something similar. We stayed there for about 2~3 hours and everyone placed a order. In the end, we went up to the counter and requested separate bills. Mine came to a total of 5.12, and since I remember the original price was 4.49, I calculated how much I need to pay for tips (I usually just pay the tax). I gave the waitress 10 and took 4.25 back from the tray. I was the last one to pay so the other girls started heading out already at this point. I then heard the waiter behind the counter collecting all the trays said, “Thanks for the 50 cents tip, guys.” I soon realized that the other girls did not pay any tips, so he was referring to my place of tips. I felt pretty bad after hearing that, but I wasn’t sure why. Well, I can now relate my emo-ness to some possible reasons:

1. The waiter was being an ass about 2 bucks worth of tips

2. I got the blame for something I wasn’t responsible for

3. The waiter felt bad

I think it was probably a combination of all three.. I don’t think I would get upset if the waiter didn’t say anything, but I know I would still get upset if I realized that the waiter felt bad about not receiving tips, so I put the third reason down. I think the first two was easy to come up with though. The waiter should not have said that to begin with, that’s just rude. There are many ways to request tips from customers with a different kind of attitude. The second one was easy to come up with, but I’m not sure whether if I was actually upset because of that, simply because I don’t really care about taking the blame for anything. I always put more responsibilities on myself anyway.

Despite everything I’ve said.. the waiter probably just had a rough day.. probably didn’t direct it on me and probably already forgot about it by now.. I should really go to bed O_O

在北京,是我不对

那天,我想我是有些迁怒于你的

可我都没跟你说

就连刚刚聊天时,我也没说

只是跟你说了些你可能都猜到的

那天跟你见面的前天晚上

我被我爸狠狠地骂过

所以才会闷闷不乐

我想我是在怨恨自己

我不明白为什么我要把自己捆绑住

让自己把很多很多的事情都缠在身上

其实我大可不必的

我应该任性一些、随便一些

活得更白痴更米虫化

过着没心没肺的日子才对呀

我为什么要钻牛角尖呢?

其实我明白如果我是个不上进的孩子

他们也不至于不管我

要是我生下来就没出息,就要别人养的话

努力把自己包装成花瓶也是可以的

但我不是

我也做不到

我无法让自己变笨变得不懂事

我们其实都还小呢

都感觉自己懂很多道理

可以帮助别人并且打理好自己的一切

但其实我们仍然在不同程度上依靠着他人

我看着你的时候,一直觉得你过着很有生命力的日子

相对着觉得自己没有什么野心也没有什么远大的理想

我要的都是很平凡的东西

却到现在发觉我想要的东西也许根本不存在

我在想也许懵懂的人注定快乐一辈子

如果我有下辈子

我宁愿做个傻瓜

我宁愿做着愚蠢的事情

过着自以为是的日子

那样我觉得我会很开心的

算了,忘了我刚刚说的

还是做懂事的孩子吧

因为这样我身边的人会开心

而如果身边的人开心,我也会开心

这样就足够了

起码对目前的我来说

这样就会让我活得有意义了

你说我们究竟为了什么而活?

活着的意义又是什么?

我想,死亡并不可怕

可怕的是被遗忘的人

如果我身边的人突然都不认得我了

活着我被遗弃到荒岛上

那比让我死亡更可怕

我拥有的最宝贵的东西

就是你们对我的记忆

我发现自己对你特别坦白

你只是很简单地问我话

就从我嘴里套出了很多别人不知道的事情

其实,这是因为你能看懂我

并不是因为我没去告诉别人

如果哪天有个人跟我说同样的话

我想我也会回同样的词

并不是因为我对他人有所隐瞒

只是他们从未跟我提起相关的事情罢了

你赶紧出国吧

无论你跟zly如何

都还有我呢

Because of You, I am HaPPY~

I never knew something so simple would make me so happy..

I take the 25 bus from pape station every single day after I get off of the always-so-busy subway during the end of workday rush hour. The buses these days are always very very dirty. There are tons of crap caused by snow and wind sticking on the every single one of the windows. Knowing me, even though I’ve lived at my new apartment for a month now, I still couldn’t quite remember which stop I need to get off at without someone yelling to my ear to catch my attention. Sadly enough, the bus driver on this route never calls out bus stops. Even more upsetting, they’re often very rude and either dislike their job or always very sleepy when I talk to them. Because they don’t even call out the stop that I need to get off at when I specifically went over there and told them that I need to know when it’s the stop where Ontario Science Centre takes place at. After this happening to me for more than 5 times, I decided to ask the person who either stands or sits close to where I am about when to get off.

Then.. miracle happened to me today^^

Today, the bus driver called out the stop at every single bus stop! You have no idea how happy I was after missing my stop for more than 3 times now (I have bus sick, gimme a break). When it was my stop, I walked up to the driver and said, “Thank you for calling out the stops each time.” and then I smiled but I know he didn’t see it because he was concentrating on the road ahead. But when the bus came to a full stop, he turned around and smiled right back at me and said, “It’s my pleasure to know that you appreciate it.” It’s been such a long long time since someone completely a stranger being so nice to me.

I always like to smile and I’ve been told that it looks good on me (once by a complete stranger as well, but that time, it was a bit awkward). I never realize that a genuine smile from a stranger, knowing that it is being given out to you specifically because of something you did or said, would make such a difference. I honestly feel very happy after I got off of the bus and thought to myself that I should definitely smile more to people, even to strangers. The most common things we say to others, sometimes mean the most. The easiest compliments that came from the bottom of our hearts, most of the time will be greatly appreciated if being heard.

So, as an ending note, I will share another moment of my life, and this time, this thanks should be given to one of my friends back in high school..

I think it was during grade 12 when we volunteered at STAO – Student’s Teacher’s Association of Ontario. I hope I got that right >_> and when I said we, I meant a bunch of grade 12 students from my high school, the ones that I remember – Thuva, David, Vijitha, Roberto, Rudy, Natasha, Shanthan, and Ankit. If I forgot anyone, please forgive me for it was a long time ago (for my memory span, over 2 hours is unbarably long okay?) I can’t quite remember whether if it was during one of the trips to STAO or after we got back from STAO, but it took place during one of the subway trips. Omg, I’m not even sure whether if it’s STAO not.. maybe it was a Ontario Science Centre field trip?? ANYWAY, let’s limit it to a subway gather of Thuva, David, and.. omg.. were the twins there??!! I honestly don’t remember. I feel like shooting myself now.. how come I have such bad memory.. grrrrr… *cries*

I don’t recall it being rush hour, but I think what happened that time was that when we all got off of the stairs to the subway, the subway was already there and many people just rushed to get in. So did I but I was the last one running down and the door was about to close on me when I got in. AND magic hands stopped the door from closing on me, Thuva, if you are reading this, do you still remember this? I remember you were gasping when the door were closing on me. Just when the subway doors touched my arms, Ankit stopped it and forced the door to open and Thuva quickly dragged me inside the door. I still remember the sound when Ankit released the doors and they quickly closed as the subway started running. I rarely say thanks to Ankit though, and I don’t recall saying thanks or smile at him after that either. For one reason, I was pretty damn scared and was about to cry, but I don’t remember what I did.. did I actually cry? Again, please forgive my poor memory for it only has 2 hours span… or maybe even less, who knows… But yea, the second reason would be.. ANKIDO you jerk, always always tease me around.. But I guess you stop when you realize that I took it seriously like the time that Umar and Takura made me cry with the whole skiing is spelled with one I and made me go all the way down to the library and grabbing thick old dictionaries to prove them wrong and stuff.. I think I met you on my way there to grab another encyclopaedia because they said the dictionary was outdated or something. So there, I owe you 2 big thanks. THANK YOU ANKIT^^ and a big happy smile on my face right now, I hope you can see it but you can’t. I’ll remind Thuva to remind me to deliver them to you the next time I see you^^

I thank everyone who made me smile, made me laugh, made me feel good about myself, made me feel special, made me feel that I can help you, made me feel that I’m smart, made me feel that I’m your friend, made me feel that I’m pretty, made me happy, made me cry, made me me.

^____________________________________^

回家回家我要回家了~~

1234567的歇后语应该送给马上就要完结的这段残酷又黯淡的学期末时光~~

再次感谢那几位每节课都坚持不懈地把我催眠入睡的教授们,您们辛苦了。。能把好好的课程讲得如此不堪入耳如此难以吸收也算堪称滑校一绝了吧。。所以说,您们回家要多拍拍自己的肩膀,多看几本言情小说(去谈谈恋爱也好),多出去透透风玩一玩。

天啊天啊,时间越过越快,哎呀哟喂,还没来得及打招呼就要说再见了~~ meh~

since a lot of ppl were saying that the fact that my blog is always in chinese is making them stop coming here.. i’ll translate the above into english:

actually on second thought.. nm.. it doesnt make much sense in chinese and if i translate it into english it wont make much better sense.. >_>

but today i realized something.. if we feel that our lives are boring, that thought would lead us to depression eventually.. so if you feel often upset or lonely or failed to find something to do and always wait for some special event to happen, DON’T!.. it’s time to get your lazy ass off the comfy chair and do something meaningful, whatever that might be.. picking up an abandoned interest, practising an intrustment that you’ve always been dying to try out, start a daily activity with a friend, etc etc.. for girls, the ultimate solution is to go shopping^^.. easy and effective~~ thus called the ultimate solution~~

anywayz.. i should start studying for my last exam.. math239.. *dies* *stabs the coursenote*…..

gahh.. im in the wrong program ahh ahhh ahhhh… let’s switch to fine arts ^^

hm but if i switch to fine arts, then i won’t be getting cs jobs.. but i love sitting in front of the computer all day long~~~ sigh.. toughie choice..

meh.. 顺其自然咯~ 船到桥头自然直~~ lol i still remember my dad’s answer when i asked what if the boat still didn’t line up? he said, 那我就把它撞直咯不就好了么~

气头上

我讨厌看别人脸色行事、讨厌拘束自己的感受。为什么我不能耍耍脾气、闹闹别扭?为什么我总是要压抑着心里的感觉而去凭理智去判断别人在想些什么、真正在说些什么?我受够了。你爱怎么想就怎么想。我说的就是我想的。我想的就是我说的。你爱怎么猜想、爱怎么怀疑、爱怎么测定都不管我的事儿。我就是觉得别人不可靠,就是觉得不能向别人期望太多,这怎么地了?就因为这点儿事儿我就成罪犯了不是。就因为我怕心受伤,怕自己期望太多、祈求得太过,最后就会失望就会失落,所以我就是罪人么。我就成了那个不相信别人,觉得每个人都精神上在堕落的人?我的天啊,我难过,我伤心的时候的一句话就能让你感觉生气?除了生气你就不能感觉到其他的、一些一个基本朋友应该感觉到的事情么?比如说,感觉到我现在的处境不容易?没有,什么都没有。听到我现在的情况以后,你倒是的确说了一句话,说你现在感觉不好。但是当我问你为什么感觉不好的时候,却压根儿没有我在其中。好像我的状况跟你的感觉八杆子打不到一样。试想,我为什么要觉得你是我的朋友当你根本不在乎我?无所谓了。就像我说的,也许我压根儿就不应该期望你是我的朋友,这样我现在就不会感觉不舒服。也许我根本不配当你的朋友吧。做个男孩儿当你的朋友肯定会容易得多。

lol~~纯属搞笑~~~

spongy说: 你好!

ym说: 你不敢看我吧,看我也只能偷偷瞄一眼,就像看mm的(*拍拍胸口*)一样~

yh说: 放屁。

c2说: 滚~

我说: 烦不烦呀~

lin说: 嗯?!*()·*!……¥—·%……—*%#·……—!%·!(*) (太快了,不知道老爷子在说些什么)

raja说: qing(4声)一下。

tracy说: 今天要下雨,明天要洗衣服。

pineapple说: 喔靠~~

rolly说: riiiight (眼睛瞟来瞟去)

janice说: (看来看去) i dun understand~~

shar's coming!

ooooo yea

thats right

i think the title is self-explanatory

you better not frown you better not cry sharmica is coming to town..lalalalala~ lol im trying to steal that song from christmas..

she’ll be here this friday~~~ yayeee~~

friendship

for some, friendship is the exchange of goods and benefits; for others it is more of an exchange of accompaniment..

though i wouldnt necessarily concur with the latter, i do pity those who treat their friends as business targets..

i wonder, how would one define companionship without using the word “exchange”?.. it depresses me to think that something we normally value so much is in any form of trading system..

when i help others, i dont expect anything in return.. so i ask myself, why would i choose to help others? the reason seems to be so simple and even i cannot understand the nature of this answer.. it is merely because i like to see the smile on their face or the satisfied expression or any indication that shows i’ve made a difference in the other persons matter.. sometimes the help is so effortless that i wouldnt even realize that i made a difference, but perhaps i am used to behave in such way and receive such reflections to the extent that this process is common to me..

if i must, then the exchange i am proceeding would be that i often expect the “fuzzy warm feeling”.. how is this different than receiving factual goods or benefits? i dont think there is to be honest.. they all serve the same purpose, to make ourselves feel satisfied and thinking that it is a worthwhile experience.. so does that mean friendship has to be defined in such way then? that it is a form of exchange? and the trade is usually based on personal preference on trivial matters? well the trivial matter can then be defined as good or evil..

for the case of good it would be harmless such as accompaniment; though for the case of evil it varies.. but the key of something that serves evil purposes would be that it has the potential to hurt others or performs wrongful acts..

now i ask myself, what kind of friends would i consider as friends? the kind that lasts long or the kind whos truthful to me? there would have to be a definition for long lasting friends and the level of truthfulness, which im not even sure about yet since i have only experienced eighteen years of my life and only encountered people from three areas on this globe.. but i do want to say though, that if i can choose and if i can differentiate, then i wouldnt want to choose a friend who uses me as a tool or expects something in return that serves evil purposes every time they help me out..

it is hard though, to identify such people, especially for me, because i treat them equally as others and their personal preferences cannot be revealed if i treat them equally as others.. tough luck i suppose.. it is not up to me to judge people and treat them differently according to any sort of preference because of the fact that i am not god.. if i cant determine how evil/good someone is, i shall give them the same amount of respect i give to others around me.. and that is how i value everyone.. and that is how i value friends..

这是给你写的哦

还记得小时候的我们么

无忧无虑得多么自由自在

一个四班伴了我四年

最开始跟同年同月同日生的白帆手牵手逛遍核二院

然后就开始了王颖跟林楠的三人行

而现在嘛。。

现在最亲的就属你了吧

开心吧 =P

那时的我们

懵懂得一塌糊涂

在操场上呀

没肝儿没肺没烦恼没忧愁没天没命儿地奔跑着

那时的我们

一个个都那么乖巧

争夺小红花呀

那个劲头我怎么也想不起来了

回不去了呢

我感觉再也回不去了

小时候

我想干什么就干什么

跟别人那叫一个亲

给块儿糖就喊声爷爷

嘴儿那可叫一个甜

小时候多好呀

男生女生概念模糊

知道的就是被喜欢了就该避远点儿

什么是喜欢呢?

就是被抓头发、被写情书、被给巧克力、被拉裙子

再深奥一点儿的我可能当时都没注意到

想来赵梭、老杜那类的人若是当时喜欢上了谁也许会绅士般地保护人家吧

而我列举的不外乎是流畅、李铄这般的小混混

呵呵

希望这篇文章莫要外传

如果重来一次我们会怎么样呢

我觉得我根底儿还是没变

还是一个孩子的心

但是我身边的人已然不复存在

别人的心思好复杂

我猜不来

多么喜欢小时候直来直往的日子呀

当周围的人难过的时候

我会受不了的

你知道的

我总觉得自己天职就应该让每个人都开心

一拨儿人里面要是有个别渲染着紫色的人

我们总是有能力让他们乐出来

你过来陪我好不好

我觉得自己特没用

不知道该怎么办

什么决定都下不了

而且让别人很难受

我昨天晚上哭了哦

今天有面试的

但是我眼睛很肿呢

一点儿都不美

面试的人肯定以为我前世是兔子

好想回到小时候哦

那个时候拥抱只是友好的表示

玩耍也只是平日的惯例

充满热情的我们什么都不怕

在太阳下笑着

红苹果一般地稚嫩

想到什么就说什么

口无遮拦啊

为什么长大了就要有那么多的顾忌

无奈得让我难过

我还像个小孩子一样地喜欢撒娇

不分对象地没有目的地撒娇

我倚着孩子天生的感觉去寻找疼我的人

然后就会粘牙糖般地粘过去

当我发现这样做是不对的时候

可能已经晚了

我自私地想要很多很多的朋友跟很多很多的友谊

但你是对的

身上总是带着淡淡的粉绿色的我

他们不会觉得我是一份子

我怎么样也不能像你那样跟他们打成一片

总是会有暧昧存在

模糊不清的感觉让我不知道如何处理

为什么不能像小时候那般

就算接到情书也可以不理不睬

仍然兴高采烈地玩儿这玩儿那

多么地快活

我们的烦恼来得快去得快

为什么现在要考虑那么多的事情

不能说我想说的话、做我想做的事情

梦里梦外

相差得好远

小时候的我们

总是会想象大了的样子

我从来都没料到会是如此这般的复杂

喜欢这个词有太多的含义

我觉得大学应该开个课程来教导我们

要是人与人之间的关系能够一清二楚明明白白地

也许也就没什么意思了吧

但我搞不懂呢

也许我永远也理不清楚吧

你在干嘛呢

来看我吧

我想你呢

i cant help it

i hope i can make everyone around me happy, but i cant

i hope i can take care of my friends, but i cant

i hope i can answer all the questions you ask me for, but i cant

i hope i can fulfill all ur wishes, but i cant

i hope i can … but i cant do anything right..

u know.. i know what ur looking for, i know exactly what you want.. but…

sometimes i know if i say yes it’ll make u happy, so i said yes.. but it just made things even more complicated and u began to hate me for what i’ve said..

sometimes i know if i say yes to u then i’ll make others upset, so i said no.. but it made u upset and i feel awefully depressed for doing so..

sometimes i know no matter what i say it will hurt u anyway.. so i remain silence and it creates this enormous gap between us that just makes me want to scream.. out loud..

i dont know what to do, i dont know how to solve this problem, so i leave it for now and went back to it later, but then i realized how stupid i was for leaving it behind because now it turned into this disgustingly messy confusion thats even worse than before..

argh..