流溢的思绪

二十四个小时,有多少个小时可被我捕捉?

三百六十五个日子,有多少个日子够我细细品味?

岁岁年年人不同,有多少人停留在我左右?

我的小半生都活在梦里。在朦胧的世界混杂着我模糊的记忆。清晨的十分钟,我流溢的思绪曾撒满了头枕。而傻傻的我,却仍不自觉。再一小会儿,我这么说着。合眼后却俨然醒悟,梦中的时间在变换着。你有没有感觉过,在那短短的几分钟内,却好像经历了一生一世的旅程。而有时候,漫漫长夜却在眨眼间消失。是啊,梦总是在捉弄着我,迷幻着我的感官。

清晨忙碌的步伐,傍晚疲倦的背影。许许多多人一沉不变的坚持。每日不变的行程,却总是会遇到各式各样的面孔。每张脸的背后,都有一段故事。然而短短的一眼瞬息而过,之后就好似从来没有见过对方一样。多少次的偶遇都烟消云散。如果说人的大脑是数据库,那么记忆就好比结构化查询语言(SQL)。可怜的是大部分人的记忆力实在无法与SQL比拟,就连最简易的选择指令都要很长时间才能传送过来。我总是希望在平凡的日子里多一些偶遇的发展,可以促进对那天的记忆。那天究竟是哪天我却是不在乎的。

欲言又止的摸样,你看过么?别扭的心态,就算感觉到了又如何?很多时候就算看到了,感觉到了,表面上却无动于衷。这并不是因为不在乎,而是无能为力。这样的想法慢慢地变为多数。在地铁上看到的广告,并不都是为了推销产品。有些是道德或精神上的广而告之,是善言。然而那么多人逐步而行,呆滞的眼神就算看到了却不聚焦。人们似乎都麻木了,因为感觉到自身的渺小而不屑去改变。就算改变了又如何,仅仅是一个人而已,我听到他们这么说着。

一天有多长?有时长有时短。几年后的今天,我却觉得那天实在只有一瞬之长。时间拉得越久,那天似乎就越短。直到最后,那天已然不存在。这就是我的记忆力么?实在很可悲。按照数学归纳法来延续这个想法的话,生命似乎幻化为空值。

啊,好悲观的想法啊。。

Orz

Facebook tagging game

Appearance

1. Parts of my hair appear to be reddish brown, especially around the forehead area.
2. I actually have 3 piercings on my left ear and 2 piercing on my right ear. But the third one on my left ear closed up by itself because I didn’t wear anything for a while, while one of the two on my right ear was a mistake. So really, I only have 2 on my left and 1 on my right.
3. My eyes have double eyelid when the seasons change or if there’s a sudden jump in temperature. For instance, my left eye became double the day before yesterday and today. So I look like this right now: O_o
4. I’m double jointed. I can bend my right hand’s index finger to an angle that will usually freak people out.
5. I always have bruises on me as results of my clumsiness. They are quite obvious in summer because they’ll be all over my legs.

Behavior

6. I sing Chinese kiddish songs when I’m hyper.
7. I know way too many Chinese kiddish songs and MaoZeDong songs. And the sad part is I like to sing them.
8. I can’t remember lyrics for any popular culture songs. In fact, the only songs that I can remember lyrics for are some Chinese kiddish songs. And if I don’t, I sing them while making up stuff.
9. When I’m in a daze or thinking intensely (actually, it doesn’t have to be that intense), I tend to do something random without noticing it. Like this one time Lu and I were swimming and he caught me “chopping” water with my two hands right after I asked him a question and I was stuck in my train of thoughts. He had a good laugh and till this day he still wouldn’t let go of that.
10. Because of the fact that I have bad eye sight and never wear glasses when I’m out, I tend to squint a lot when I try to recognize people’s faces and street names. And the reason I need to squint at street names is because when I’m lost, I need to call people and describe my location. I was told that describing trees, buildings, and bicycles doesn’t quite work out.

Preference

11. I get really disappointed when plans don’t work out the way I thought they would. But I get extremely happy when plans turn out better than expected.
12. I don’t like to carry a lot of things with me because I have spinal problems and my neck and back always hurts if I give them a little stress. But if I don’t have that problem, I can easily see myself carrying an oversized purse with me everywhere.
13. I eat everything except bitter melon and raw onion. But having said that I like a lot of flavors but I might not eat them. Like I don’t mind having parsley, garlic, coconut, ginger and various other flavors in my food, but I wouldn’t eat them. An extreme example would be I love the flavor of onion, but I don’t like to eat big chunks of it. I would eat them if I can’t identify them (ie. In soup or stew or sauces).
14. I like to plan ahead and organize events.
15. I’m pretty lazy so I like to walk slow and Jeremy complains about that a lot. But if I’m cold, I tend to walk super fast and I get super annoyed when people who I’m working with are slow or the sidewalk is narrow and the person in front of me is slow. For times like those, I repetitively yell out TAOYAN in my head.
16. I like having gathers of people. The reason I like playing card/board games is because I have a legit reason to sit at a table with lots of people around me. But huge crowds of strangers scare me.
17. I sleep a lot because I like it.. but also because I might have S.A.D… or maybe I think I have that because I want an excuse to sleep.
18. I used to be scared of dark. I can’t sleep in darkness. When I was living in China, my grandma leaves the lights on until I’m asleep. When I was living in Vancouver, I have a night light turned on throughout the night. But now, I need to sleep in pitch black and I hate it when I can still see things after I turn off my bedroom light.

Animals and Pets

19. I love animals. I don’t approve the kind of liking that people claim they do when they’ve never actually took care of any or established any bond with them. It’s pretty much like saying I like CS without having experience in coding.
20. I’ve always wanted a deviruchi as a pet (both in RO and in real life). Having said that, I’ve never actually earned a deviruchi in RO unless it was a high rate server or low rate server and friends with GM. I’m a little ashamed of myself for the latter, just a little though.
21. I want a BaiNiangNiang, but unfortunately Lu hates snakes, so that will never be fulfilled. Fortunately, Lu said I can have up to 8 dogs and unlimited cats. Oh and unlimited babies.
22. When I was living in Vancouver, I had a wolf and husky hybrid who I named Lucy.
23. No matter what kind of bad things I tell others about Benben, he’s still the best in my mind. I have a feeling that’s how I would feel when I have a kid.

Future

24. I want to have twins. But I realize it’s not really up to me. So I will settle for one of the following in order of preference: 1 boy and 1 girl, 2 girls, 2 boys and 1 girl, 3 boys. I think two would be enough, unless the first two are both boys, I won’t consider giving birth to the third one. Because I heard it’s painful. If it’s not, then I will consider to have more.
25. My goal is to have a big happy family. Life is meaningless without the people who you want to enjoy it with.