彷徨

最近经常有着一个人坐公共汽车的经历,这是以前都没有的。一个人静静的望着窗外的商店飞速地向后滑行,我感觉自己在揣摩独立的滋味。

这滋味儿一点儿都不好受。但是却是我狠心下来选择的。我知道的。不会反悔的,因为我心里明白我不想要什么。虽然还不知道想要什么,但是排除不想要的总归是好的。一方面的感情是不会有结果的,甚至是不平均的感情。我坚信也坚守自己的原则。

但是我好想谈恋爱哦。最近在家都发霉了。也许我目前要的不是谈恋爱,而是一个可以时时陪伴在我身边的忠实玩伴儿。但是难找呢。如果只是普通朋友的话又怎么会时时刻刻都陪我呢。谁来的那等闲功夫啊。

我需要学php。但是不想学。怎么办呢。懒成这样,我会不会被开掉啊。。。

有感

为什么少女漫画中的内容明明都半斤八两,猜也都能猜得到,却仍然能让那么多女孩废寝忘食地读下去,并且时不时地感动到哭得无地自容地呢。

市面上非常普遍的一种少女小说就是由一个女孩主角跟两个男孩主角纠缠不清的故事来勾引读者的。为什么能够连载那么久时间还能让小女生们看得爱不释手呢。是因为两个男生通常是完全相反的性格,各有各的优势,所以主角连带着跟小女生读者们一块地不知道该选谁才好。而为什么小女生们会产生自己就是那个女生主角的幻觉呢。是因为漫画里都会把那个女生描述得很概括,像很天真、长得不是很漂亮,但是有特色(很可爱之类的)、有时候会马虎、会想要被人照顾。。等等的东东,就跟天下的女生都差不多的特征跟性格。再加上女生们都很爱做白日梦,很爱幻想着被别人爱,所以读着读着,不由自主地就会跟着拿个女生主角的心态走了。

但是为什么会连载这么久却仍然没有定下心来呢,难道是那个女生太水性杨花,两边都想要么,还是因为那么懦弱都下不了抉择。都不是呢,正因为画家不想要你这么地去贬低那个女孩,但是又不想要画短篇漫画,所以两位男生就要多灾多难。不是有个前女友来纠缠不清就是有其他个女生来捣蛋。不是被撞了车就是被转了学,等等的在现实生活中不太可能的状况都会出现。所以说作者真的很坏,为了要抓住读者的心,不惜剥夺两个主角的happy ending,还要费尽心思让三个人都不好过。这三个主角不好过,读者就不甘心,就想要继续读下去,直到有那个happy ending为止。如此这般,很无聊的漫画就可以连载下去了。

说白了,这种少女漫画真的很没水准。因为作者只能塑造出三个人物,并且是都是被塑造很多边的人物。这种漫画走的是保险的路程,因为是已经由其他人试验过并且成功的路线。也就是说可卖性虽然不会爆到极点,但是可行,还是会吸引很多人。

说到这里,就不得不提少女漫画中的经典:NANA了。为什么有那么多人喜欢这部作品,其爱好者不仅仅是女孩呢。就是因为它塑造出了很多生动可取、并无重复的角色。想想看,8个人纠缠不清肯定比3个人纠缠不清来得更不清不楚不明不白吧。更何况这里并无普遍化的校园景色,而是讲述punk bands。由于其新颖的setting而让这部作品活了起来,更让它比过了其他的少女漫画。另外,就因为这8个角色特色不一,所以很多很多的人都能让身边的人融入进故事当中去。这样一来,不仅仅是读着一个人生活在故事当中,而是读者让身边的人跟自己一起生活在故事当中。所以说,NANA更贴近读者的生活,也就更会让人沉浸于那一页页华丽的笔墨中。

好了,不说了。最近读了一大堆东西,有漫画,有小说,有传记,有神话,还有幻想类的东东。真是爽阿~好久都没能这么样地放纵自己在故事当中了。

为什么喜欢读书呢。有些人可能是因为对现实不满,而想要逃避。有些人会是因为想要发泄而沉迷于另一个世界。而我呢,只是单纯地想知道还有这么样的一个故事存在,出于好奇。就跟我受不了妈妈看连续剧,而去查剧情大纲来读一样。也跟我看不了恐怖的电影,却想要去读影视概要,或者粘着别人去看完了给我讲故事一样。我只是想要知道世上还有这么样的一个结局。

我喜欢看不同的人、听不同的人的故事。

当我看到街上的乞丐,我会幻想他为什么沦落到乞丐呢。

走在学校,看到气质高扬的人,我会琢磨他凭什么自以为是呢。

我坚信每张脸的背后都有一个动人的故事。

也许我长大以后应该当一个记者,想必采访别人然后写出神奇的传记来会是一件很有意思的事情。

气死我也

omg i feel sooo retarded..

i planned out the whole day today.. but then i received a phone call from thea and she told me that school/bank are both closed cuz its freakin easter monday.. wth….

*cries*

终于学完了呢

睡了两天觉,好好地麻痹了一下自己的脑袋瓜。终于感觉到可以终日无所事事的快感了。 o yay~
我也不知道自己想要干嘛,不过这两天实在懒到不行了。所以我对星期一有了一些安排,如下:
收拾晾完的衣服
洗澡
收拾屋子、整理行李
去BMO注册
去中学看看有没有可能把画的画儿拿回来、顺便看望一下老师
完毕

im bored, dun ask..

Appearance
[x] I am shorter than 5’4.
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[ ] I have/I’ve had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life

[ ] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[x] I’ve run away from home.
[ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I’ve had children.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.

School/Work
[x] I’m in school.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I’ve missed a week or more of school.
[x] I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I’ve stolen something from my job
[ ] I’ve been fired.

Embarrassment
[ ] I’ve slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I’ve peed from laughing.
[ ] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[x] I’ve glued my hand to something
[ ] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I’ve had my pants rip in public

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I’ve broken a bone.
[ ] I’ve had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I’ve sat in a doctors office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I’ve had chicken pox.

Traveling
[ ] I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I’ve been on a plane.
[x] I’ve been to Canada.
[ ] I’ve been to Mexico.
[x] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I’ve been to Japan.
[ ] I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I’ve been to Europe.
[ ] I’ve been to Africa.

Experiences

[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[ ] I’ve wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts
[x] I’ve been to a casino.
[ ] I’ve been skydiving.
[ ] I’ve gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I’ve played spin the bottle.
[ ] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I’ve crashed a car.
[x] I’ve been skiing.
[x] I’ve been in a play.
[ ] I’ve met someone in person from myspace.
[ ] I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I’ve played chicken.
[ ] I’ve played a prank on someone.
[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I’ve eaten sushi.
[ ] I’ve been snowboarding.

Relationships

[x] I’m single.
[ ] I’m in a relationship.
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[ ] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[ ] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[ ] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[x] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[x] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve cheated on a test.
[ ] I’ve run a red light.
[ ] I’ve been suspended from school.
[ ] I’ve witnessed a crime.
[ ] I’ve been in a fist fight.
[ ] I’ve been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I’ve passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I’ve smoked weed.
[x] I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
[ ] I’ve eaten shrooms
[ ] I’ve popped E.
[ ] I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I’ve done hard drugs.
[x] I have cough drops when I’m not sick.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I shut others out when I’m depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I’m anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I’m addicted to self harm.
[x] I’ve woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[x] I’m afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[ ] I’ve seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I’ve planned my own suicide.
[ ] I’ve attempted suicide.
[ ] I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don’t kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I’m a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[ ] I’ve worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[x] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[x] I’m good at remembering faces.
[ ] I’m good at remembering names.
[ ] I’m good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

i'm your alligator, do you recall?

最近总会梦见那个在msn上跟我聊完天之后说过一句later alligator的人。

呵~ 突然发现只有nancy一个人会明白我说的人是谁。也可能她也不记得了吧,那么就没有人知道我在说谁了。

不知道为什么总是梦见他呢。可能是因为最近神经总是紧紧绷着地。晚上睡觉前都会跟不同的神明沟通一番,好像这样就会心安一些。哎,不应该总是梦见他的,我就真这么没用么。

特别想回到以前的状态。记得那个时候还会跟nancy在图书馆里读一些没营养的中文书,给爷爷奶奶写信,做一些语文练习,逼迫nancy帮我抄写作业。嘿嘿。现在到了图书馆,虽然也还会胡诹乱造一些没营养的话题,但是通常都是会有隔夜就要交的作业,或是像现在这样没命地考试复习。

昨天晚上跟爸爸聊了很久。突然特别想北京。我发现自己跟中国已经脱轨了。感觉上国内很亲的人都变了,无声无息地悄悄地变了。但是这么想一想,我又何尝没变呢。国内的人说不定会觉得我变得更厉害呢。如果我元旦回去的话,会很冷吧。但是真的好想回去啊。

就因为隔着海,距离远,谈话的机会不多。每次打电话,爸爸都会教诲我。哎,其实我最想听到的是一些平常的事情,而不是什么大道理。我想听他讲他最近过得怎么样,出差去了哪里,玩儿些什么,工作如何,身体怎么样。我想听他告诉我那些我在乎关心的人都在忙些什么,做些什么事儿。我想听他说他很想我、大家都很想我,然后我就可以告诉他我也很想他、也很想大家。之后我就可以撒娇,小小哭一下。但是爸爸从来都不给我这种机会,总是把我像他公司里的职员那般看待地教诲着,语音一点都不会波动,口气总是很沉着很稳定地絮说着一大段一大段生硬的道理,让我消化不良。

时间过得快呢。瞬间我就快19了;瞬间大学一年就过去了。我已经不是frosh了,出门可以介绍说是大学生了。却一点自觉都还没有,仍然想要撒娇,真是长不大的孩子。

不说了,挺困的呢。

晚安,忠实的读者们~

psych

something from my psych textbook:

Can sexually explicit material have adverse effects? Research indicates that it can. Depictions of women being sexually coerced–and enjoying it–tend to increase the viewers’ acceptance of the false idea that women enjoy rape and tend to increase male viewers’ willingness to hurt women. Images of sexually attractive women and men may also lead people to devalue their own partiners and relationships. After male collegians watch TV or magazine depictions of sexually attractive women, they often find an average woman, or their own girlfriends or wives, less attractive. Viewing X-rated sex films similarily tends to diminish people’s satisfaction with their own sexual partners. Some sex researchers fear that reading or watching erotica may create expectations that few men and women can hope to live up to.

-______-

ankit, just so u know.. my finals are in less than a week..

cs – this friday

calc – following monday

wed – sociology

thurs – psych and alge (same day!!!)

>_______________________________________<

talk about being doomed, i think im in deeper shit than u~

When women get sad they often get sadder than men do; when men get mad, they often get madder than women do ——> when it comes to time like such, men should learn to comfort women and women should learn to accomodate men~