猫跟电脑

今天有个人说了一句让我感觉很别扭的话,以至我回不上话来。直到坐上了回家的公车上才明白自己为什么当时感觉不舒服。

那个人说他很喜欢猫,想要买一只猫。我很自然地就建议他去加拿大的保护动物协会去领养一只,因为那边有很多需要人照顾、无家可归的动物。他说他想要买一只猫,说想买一只纯种的,说这样会比较好。

我当时接不上话来,也没反应到他什么意思。我当时只是觉得为什么纯种的就好了。后来坐上车,才慢半拍地意识到自己真正的想法。

对于我来说,宠物带回家来是要我们照顾、看护的。并不是像电脑一样需要以储存量、显卡、硬盘等等去评价好于坏的。我觉得动物跟人一样,是没有纯种或杂种之分,也没有高贵与低贱等类似的分界。我不认为以一只动物是否纯与否来评价它的价值是有必要的。再者,我对一个喜爱动物的人的概念一直都停留在很单纯的喜爱上。也就是说我觉得一个真正喜爱猫的人应该喜欢并接纳所有的猫。

想到这里,我却不由自主地联想到了电脑。喜爱电脑的人可并不是喜欢所有的电脑。他们喜欢的是最先进最耀眼最炫酷的那一类。那么为什么我却认为喜欢猫的人就要喜欢所有的猫呢?说到底,还是因为我压根儿没觉得猫可以让人们像去买电脑一样地去评价好坏。

是我的思想太落后,还是他对所有事物都刻意主观化物质化了呢?我无从得知。不过我明白下次我听到另一个人这么评论动物的时候,我会及时告诉他们我的想法,而不会像这次一样半个小时过后才明白过来自己的想法。

lol a quiz

Hippie
You are 42% Rational, 57% Extroverted, 14% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.
You are the Hippie! Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, humility, and a faint scent of marijuana, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and free love! Immediately following that, you then frolic to the hospital with herpes! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You probably enjoy poetry, especially beatnik ultra-liberal crap about how horrible fascism is, even though your suburbanized, sheltered idea of "fascism" is having to pay two dollars per gallon at the gas pump. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you also love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Though I highly doubt they love to interact with you! Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn’t a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble–thus making you an annoying hippie. Now go do your drugs and have sex with filthy bearded men in tye dye shirts.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Sociopath.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Televangelist, and the Robot.

*

*

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

Be sure to take my Sublime Philosophical Crap Test if you are interested in taking a slightly more intellectual test that has just as many insane ramblings as this one does!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

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You scored higher than 52% on Rationality
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You scored higher than 51% on Extroversion
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You scored higher than 8% on Brutality
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You scored higher than 45% on Arrogance

If you liked my test, send it to your friends!

The Personality Defect Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=4741219933576750506

lin's survey

Lin’s non-civil engineering pass-it-on ‘survey’ [lol]:
answer the following question, if you don’t I will fly to your room and act like a drunken dwarf [you think a drunken dwarf is lame now, wait ’til you realize that I can’t actually fly to your room, how lame is ‘that’?! I wouldn’t even show up [email protected]#@[email protected]##[email protected]!#%^&%$^#! anyways]:
– please add one more question at the end of the survey to extend the survey when you are done, and pass it onto other people. Thanks
1) If you could live in any period in time [past only], which time period would you live in and why?:
when gr.11 just began, i would change a decision i made back then
2) Do you have a rival [academic or otherwise]? If so what’s the rivalry about and who’s your rival?
im not competitive.. so i dun think i ever considered anyone a rival..
3) Who was the wisest person in history in your opinion? [can name a few if you can’t think of a specific person]
err.. never thought about it.. but i dun consider someone to be wise based on their contirbution to technology or anything like that.. in order for me to consider someone being wise i’ll have to get to know that person.. since this question is asking for historical ppl i guess i cant really answer it..
4) Who is the most beautiful person [phyiscally] that you’ve ever seen? [‘seen’, not necessarily ‘known’, could name more than one if can’t think of specific answer]
o god.. lin.. ur questions are so vague.. why not ask ppl who you’ve seen.. would be way more personal and more interesting dont u think.. anyway.. my answer to this question is.. i cant judge whether someone is beautiful or not just based on appearance.. cuz that changes.. dont u ever had that experience where the first time u met someone u think he/she’s drop dead beautiful.. then when u get to know them u feel they look like shit.. well i have so i cant answer it cuz its stupid to judge someone by appearance..
5) Who was the dumbest person in history in your opinion? [can name a few if you can’t think of a specific person] Why? [yes, you have to say why]
ppl who wrote history, rather than recording it
6) If you could be any animal other than a human, what would you be?
cat, or wolf
7) If you had to go through a very painful experience in order to reach something, what would that thing be? [assuming you will get what you want in the end, could be an object, person, knowledge… anything, what would it be? has to be specific]
hm.. the person im gonna spend the rest of my life with
8) If you could go back in time and change something in someone else’s life, who would it be and what would you change?
my dads second marriage
9) If you can take over the world and become a dictator… would you do it?
no
10) If you had to sleep [not literally] with someone really disgusting/ugly/evil/repulsive in order to save your own life would you do it? [assuming you have to make this decision while not knowing how long it would have to go on lol… could be days, could be centuries…] Why?
yes, because i believe that every person has a positive side, so no one can be completely disgusting/ugly/evil/repulsive..
11) If you could sleep with the person of your dreams for an unknown length of time [could be seconds, could be eons], at the cost of being sent to sleep with that person in question named in 10) afterwards with the same circumstances listed in question 10), would you do it? [Lol]  Why?
yes, same reason listed in question 10
12) If you had to sleep [not literally] with that person in question 10) with the same circumstances in question 10) [could be seconds, or could be: limit as t approachs infinity], with the reward of being able to sleep with that person in question 11) afterwards with no cost [but for an unknown period of time], would you do it? 
lin.. ur questions are so unrealistic.. cant relate it with anything.. im out
13) If the only way for you to meet your soul-mate [who is perfect for you in everyway, and who is never going to leave you] is to cut out your own eyes, and destroy your own ears [such that you can not see them or hear them, but could still hold their hands etc] would you do it?
i dun believe in soulmates.. i believe every relationship needs compromise.. thus one person can be compatible with many ppl.. so i wont sacrificemy sight and hearing for one person..
14) If you had to kill yourself, how would you do it?
slping pill
15) If you found out that you had 30 minutes left to live, what would you do?
slp
16) If you found out that you had 20 seconds left to live, what would you do?
lie down
17) If you found out that your best friend had 20 seconds left to live, and the only way to save them is to kill yourself, what would you do? [heck, what would they do? if they found out?!]
i dont think i would kill myself
18) If you could go back in time and choose your gender before you were born, what would you choose?
female
19) If you are a retard, would you choose to accept your nature and seek comfort with your fellow retards? or try to break your mental bondage [by genetic engineering or working hard] and risk alienating your other retarded friends in the process?!?!
ppl are curious by nature so i think anyone would want to know/learn more.. but i wouldnt alienate friends
20) If you have a crush on someone, how would you let them know?
tell them.. if they’re single and dun have crush on anyone i know..
21) If you hate someone, how would you let them know?
tell them.. and tell them to change
22) If you had to convince someone else to drink a dog’s urine from a pool of it on the ground [for no good reason], how would do you do it? [assuming that they know it’s dog’s urine]
retarded question man.. why would i want to do it for no good reason..
23) If someone had to convince YOU to drink a dog’s urine, how would you convince them to shove it? [assuming that you can’t physically get away from this guy or harm him/her in anyway]
i wont do it..
24) Which historical figure do you see yourself as? or similar to? [in terms of anything] Why?
cant think of anything.. all the historical figure that i know of are of some importance, dun think my life would be nearly as memorable..
25) Describe the world with one word:
world
26) Describe yourself with one word:
me
27) Describe your friends with one word:
多元化
28) If you have to take a shit and it’s really urgent [and you can’t hold it in] and you are in the middle of downtown Toronto [with lots of people], and there’s no time to run to a bathroom… what would you do? [if you choose to do nothing, you will soon be repainting the streets with the supper you ate last night, if you choose not to answer this question, it means you are destined to mess up in deseperate situations.. think quick!]
get in a store.. there are stores everywhere in downtown and they all have washrooms in the back..
29) If the scenario in question 28) is happening to your best friend, and you happen to be with them…. what would you do to help? [or not?]
tell ppl on the streets to move out of the way..
30) When do you plan to get married? If at all?
25-7
31) Do you plan on having kids after you get married? If so how many?
yep.. 2-3
32) Name the attributes that you would like the person you would like to get married with to have:
likes me
chinese, speaks mandarin, reads simplified chinese, plans to go back to beijing with me
responsible, will take care of me
honest, lets me know if anything is wrong
has the ability to always attract me
33) If someone is naming attributes about the person that they would like to get married with, would you marry them?
why not.. even if ppl dun write it down they are constantly thinking about it
34) If you accidently killed 500 million people, how what excuse would you use to save yourself from being lynched?
it wasnt me..
35) If one of your family members was killed by someone who accidently killed 500 million people, would you lynch that person? Why? or why not?
no.. accidents are not meant to be punished since theres no evil intent involved..
36) Who do you go to for advice?
in no order:
zhuo/thea/2va/terry/dad/nancy/tracy/jeremy/stepmom(not anymore)/ankit/lobsang(not anymore)/shar
37) Who comes to you for advice? and what kind of advice?
lin/jeff/tracy/lobsang/shar/roland/nancy/huangwei/and more.. cant say what cuz some of them are private
38) If job opportunities didn’t matter, what university program would you be in?
same thing.. cuz there are other things that matter..
39) If you found out that your lover is a robot…. would you still love them? [they act like humans in every possible way]
if they act like humans in every possible way.. then what defines human and what define robot.. if no definition assigned, then i cant answer this question because for all i know they can be the same..
40) What life projects [if any] do you hope to achieve?
to be happy
41) If you have to date one of your friends, who would you date?

难过

爸,你不明白。我帮不了她。她面子上下不来。我看她并没有打算去北京。她打算哪里有工作机会就去哪里。我不明白她怎么想的,不过我觉得她只有到了有能力回北京度假的时候才会回去。她并不是不想念姥爷或者不关心姥爷。她时常也会提起姥爷,但是每次我提起回去的时候她都不会回答我。有工作的时候会说没时间回去,没工作的时候会说要找工作。她从星期四开始就住到她男朋友哪里去了,说是她男朋友的小卖部需要帮忙还是什么的。今天晚上12点左右刚刚回来。看起来她心情挺不好的。我跟她提起带猫去看病,她说先缓缓说现在没钱。说得我挺难受的。她心情不好的时候,我也不知道该做些什么。她心情不好的时候,我觉得很别扭,也挺不好受的。哎,真烦。

我现在交的朋友们一个个都挺仗义的。而且都很懂事。到我这个学校上学的,都是很能独立自强,自己生活的孩子。大部分都没有受家庭的帮助,只身一人来上学。受他们的影响,我觉得我坚强了很多。但其实我仍然很喜欢依赖别人,而且很恋家。但是我没有能够依赖你们的本钱。在我身边只有妈妈一个人,但是妈妈并不坚强,而且总是把她软弱的一面给我看。所以我只能自己去安排自己的事情。你们所有人都在中国,又能给我什么支持呢。就算是精神上的支撑,也必须是我写信给你们求援,才会告诉我一些忠告或建议。

也许我根本不爱国,我只是想要回去依赖你们罢了。我本质上只是一个软弱的女孩。我没有能力一个人处理一切事情。有时候我觉得压在身上的事情太多了啊。在别人的眼里我其实很能依赖我妈。时不时地让她送我啊什么的。我也经常跟朋友说我妈很开明,跟我姐妹一样,我干什么都不会阻止我,也不会问我学习呀什么的,都让我一个人管理自己的生活。但他们不知道的是,我觉得妈妈没有能力顾虑到我。有时候我感觉她连自己的事情都处理不好,又怎能顾虑到我。不过我不太在乎,我享受自由,也喜欢计划自己的生活。但是我希望她能够过好日子。她那么地好强,我不希望她向任何人低头也能自己站起来。

爸,爷爷奶奶身体好么。我以前每年回去看到他们都觉得很难过,因为他们每次都变化很大。现在这么久都没回去了,不知道他们身体如何。我这边有好几个朋友的爷爷或者奶奶都在国内过世了,听过后感觉很不是滋味。毕竟爷爷奶奶在小时候照顾了我那么多年,对我来说是不一样的。我的童年就是在大院儿度过的,跟那里的感情很深厚。爷爷现在健忘是不是很厉害啊,他还会说些笑话逗你们笑么。奶奶还会每天早起做早餐么。你们每个星期都会聚在一起吃饭么。

哎,要不是妈妈现在在我旁边看电视,我特想哭出来。她不顺当的时候,我感觉比我自己不顺当更难受。因为如果是我自己不顺当,起码我有改变它的机会。但是她不顺当的时候,只会让我感觉到自己的渺小、自己的无助。

为什么你们都不在我的身边呢。为什么你们让我的生活这么的漂泊不定。你知道么,小时候在大院儿的时候我觉得我会跟在爷爷奶奶身边一辈子的。会跟林楠、张卓、黄微、尚阳他们一起中考、高考、然后在北京上大学。会每天早晨吃奶奶做的早餐;会每天跟他们一起看新闻联播。然后你们把我带到温哥华了。我当时一边努力适应新环境,学习新语言,一边惦念着中国的生活。当我适应了,交了很多朋友了,认识了你跟邹红妈妈,对留在温哥华有了计划的时候,你们又把我送上了来多伦多的飞机。也许这每一步都是你们精心为我设计的最容易最适合我的路线图。但是每一步对我来说都来得那么突然。每一步都让我伤心过、难过地哭过、最后努力去适应去配合你们给我的安排。

但是为什么没有一个人可以一直留在我身边啊。我总是感觉自己徘徊在一个家与另一个家之间,提着行李,没有归属感。你们给我的建议、鼓励、称赞总是让我感觉是文字枷锁。因为我只能是一个懂事的孩子,因为我有了这些机会,有能力,所以我可以变得懂事。感觉一切都很理所当然。我走的路比起其他人来说也许确实很容易。我走到现在也一直都很一帆风顺,从没有过大起大落。但我讨厌你们给我塑造的模子,讨厌你们离婚要等到4年后才告诉我,讨厌你们没能给我家的感觉。

我知道我比没有爹娘的孩子幸福多了。我有那么多人心疼我,关照我。我真是很幸福的孩子呢。但我仍旧没有归属感,我并不是你们任何一个人心中的唯一。就连妈妈也不是的。对妈妈来说,事业更重要。你们都爱护我,照顾我,但是却都不会把我放在第一位。也许孩子并不是父母的第一选择。我不知道一个人生活中最重要的事情是什么,最重要的人应该是谁。二婶儿跟二叔就没有要孩子的打算。我觉得他们选择的生活方式倒也潇洒。虽然他们不会享受到为人父人母的感觉,但起码不会有那些为人父人母必要的责任。爸爸,你告诉我,我是不是问你们要的太多了。

多多

关于爷爷。 (quote mike)

今天晚上,恐怕要梦见大院儿。脑海中不断浮现出童年一幕幕生动的情景。

都是因为读了mike的blog..

哎。为什么悲伤的事情总是发生得那么突然那么快。真怕自己的爷爷突然消失掉。

有时候觉得自己特别没用。没有能力快点独立,快点站起来,快点让爷爷、奶奶看到自己的成长,好让他们安心。希望他们能够等到我回去,等到我回去照顾他们,陪伴他们度过晚年。

现在脑海中仿佛出现了大院儿的正门。我手举遮阳伞、戴着墨镜、穿着白色吊带儿百褶连衣裙、踢踏着高跟鞋走进去。我将穿过一楼前的正花园儿。看着围绕在满园边儿的矮树从,我会边走边让嫩绿的树叶从指尖滑过,抚平那一缕一缕的枝丫儿。绕过食堂根小卖部,拐过二楼门前的小停车场,按下楼内的电梯,我将努力把心跳的声音低压在心里。走进电梯,我会看到一个新的小阿姨。小时候的小阿姨,现在应该跟我同年龄了。她会问我,找15楼的谁呀。而我会回答:我爷爷–纪庆明……

我不敢再想下去了。

我怕开门的是奶奶,我怕沙发上坐着的人里面会没有爷爷。

记得小时候有一次吃晚饭的时候,林楠来串门儿。爷爷不让我吃晚饭就马上下楼去玩儿,因为他还没检查完我的数学作业。林楠当时笑我说怎么可以让爷爷帮我检查作业,明明应该是你自己分内的事情。我当时狡辩说是因为爷爷愿意这么做。呵,好一个是爷爷愿意这么做呀。小时候不懂事儿,总是身在福中不知福。用英文讲就是always take things for granted。现在想来,要是小学那几年没有爷爷奶奶在身边,我可能会是个没人要的孤儿也说不定。

当时爸爸在美国,妈妈忙着上班,根本没有人能够照顾我。爷爷奶奶才是我的启蒙老师,将我从一个小屁孩儿拉扯到大。大院儿就是我童年的家。

我快19了呢。感觉长大了很多,但也感觉大院儿的生活近在咫尺。虽然我不能肯定往后究竟会发生什么,但是我知道我没有能力去阻止时间的流动,也没有能力去堵塞时间的速度,我唯一可以保证的就是努力用现在来充实自己,让自己快速成长。。

Quote

爷爷,您走后的第二天

爷爷,您走后的第二天我们这里下雪了。

空中的雨水刚开始好像犹豫不决,最后终于凝结成雪,好像它想在世间待久一些。爷爷我希望您走得很幸福,没留下任何遗憾。

爷爷,您走后的第二天我过得很正常。

我没忘记为期中考试复习,我没有因为难过没去参加考试,最重要的是我没有因为悲伤而忘记微笑。爷爷,您看,您可以放心的走了。我和姐姐现在都很好,因为是您的教导使我们能够坚强,您对我们的教诲是我们一辈子的财富。

爷爷,您走后的第二天很多人都来了。

爷爷,大家都来送您了。爸和妈也会陆续回过去看您,而我只能看着镜框内的一张照片来替您祈祷。若涵,谢谢你和你的家庭这么多年来一直帮我照顾爷爷,我也很高兴爷爷能有你这半个孙子一直给着他精神上的寄托。我和你是一辈子的好兄弟,我从来就把你当做家里人看待。爷爷,伯父伯母他们来了,姐姐在回上海之前也会去送您,小姨姨父,可可,外公外婆, 我们横县的亲人们,他们都来送您了。奶奶也很坚强,我和姐姐会经常和她老人家说说话,08年我们会带她去看奥运会。爷爷,我们给您的承诺我们都会做给奶奶看,奶奶看到的就是您看到的。

爷爷,您走后的第二天泪如雨下。

爷爷,我们现在都需要时间,但我们不会忘了坚强。

爷爷,您一路走好

if mom goes back, i will be by myself..

i think my mom is giving serious thoughts about going someone else.. ie china

i guess i can handle living on my own and everything but im still kinda shocked..

or not.. since lots ppl i know are going back to beijing after their kids are off to uni.. but stilllll omg..

sigh o well.. i guess shes not happy here.. so whats the point..

i told her that im all grown up and i have lots of friends who would help me out if something went wrong and i cant handle it myself.. so dun wry about me and go wherever u want and do whatever u want..

but right after i told her that i felt terribly scared..

guess i’ll have to deal with it myself.. >_<

回信

宝贝女儿:你现在正在体验西方的工作文化.在枯燥的办公室里边,在繁杂的宗教文化背景之下,似乎唯一可以共同赞美和感叹的,就是人们的穿戴和天气了.这些传递,不在乎信息本身,比如人家夸你的衣服好,当然有可能真的还不错,而在于传递人们的一种情绪,一种希望的情绪,一种希望别人有更重要的是希望自己有的积极愉快温馨乐观的情绪.

你还在适应,就象你描述的,西方最现代的工作环境.这不仅仅有外在的硬件的人们一望而知的,还有内在的软件的人们不易察觉的.特别是这种环境在政治文化下的相互联系影响.

你是这环境中的一个初生牛犊,你的感觉和触角应该灵敏.你所体验的,是中国多少人向往的.也是国内现在尚难达到但会在你们这一代赶超的.

你对老爸的事的反应,说明你们这一代在人的感情问题上,要比我们这代人的感觉多得多,早熟得多.但是,你们都还太不了解我们这一代生活成长的背景,或者是自以为了解,实际上是没体会到.所以,你得出的结论是偏薄的.你应重新体验认识,否则对你成长极为不利.这个话题说起来就长了,有机会再说吧.

我会为我宝贝女儿关注一下奥运会.但我要指出的是,这真的只是你在成长过程中不断看到的一座又一座更高的山的一座,或是见到的一个更比一个光彩夺目的景象的一个.而你要占有它是有成本的.可能会失去更好的一个.你再想想吧.

老爸

嗨,爸爸:我工作还行。虽然目前还不太懂自己在干嘛,但基本上经理给我的任务我都能完成。我跟大家也相处得挺好的,环境也适应了。我主要就是用php连MySQL数据库,还有用asp连access数据库,跟一些html/vb script/java script来编程BMO的网站。有时候会转换一些数据,有时候会更新一些网页/换一些版面设计。除此之外,时常会有些会议要参加。我经理的上司挺逗的,她问我是不是单身,想要我当她的儿子的女朋友。呵呵,但是听说我才18就叹气说:哎呀,太年轻了。头几天,跟我一组的几个同事每天夸我这个包漂亮、那条裤子别致的。其实我买的都是很便宜的衣服,只是搭配得当而已。

我工作的地方是多伦多最市区的地方-在Bay&King。在这个交叉路口,每个角落都是一个银行的财政管区。除了我工作的BMO外,还有 CIBC、TD Canada、跟Nova Scotia Bank。这一带都是高楼大厦,非常繁华的阶段。而我工作的大厦叫做First Canadian Place,是加拿大最高的楼房,共有七十多层。这大厦里共有五十多个电梯,分双层系统,并且每二十层分隔开。在每一层都要用卡片刷过才可以进去,就连厕所跟厨房都有密码锁着。整座大厦给人感觉非常严谨,但是也非常雄伟。

关于邹红妈妈的事儿,我其实早就预料到了。在我前上次回去的时候就已经感觉到了。我其实很敏感的,而且在温哥华那么多年对你们的关系也有一定的了解,所以那个时候回去的时候就已经感觉不对劲儿了。而上次回去的时候,又跟他们那边的人一点儿联系都没有,更让我感觉你们应该已经分手了。只不过没想到已然离婚。我没想到邹红妈妈会跟白叔叔好,我以为你们俩只是分居了,会因为坛博而将就。爸爸,如果你跟邹红妈妈的关系还可以做朋友的话,我觉得对坛博的影响不会很大。一直以来我受邹红妈妈教导,受益很多。如果你不介意的话,我希望可以跟她保持联系。

我觉得当一方放弃了的时候,任何关系都会疏远。你跟妈妈离婚是因为你放弃也不想迁就妈妈了,而现在跟邹红妈妈是因为她放弃迁就你了。当爱情没了的时候,往往是亲情牵住两个人。我觉得感情是很容易就淡却的。友情存在是因为你不用时时刻刻都去经营它,时不时地关照一下就可以。友情是存在于两个人在一起的经历的好与坏,并不是因为两个人待在一起的时间长与否。而爱情就不一样了,我认为远距离爱情是非常不现实的,就因为我觉得爱情需要两个人时常地经营才能成功。而亲情是爱情经过婚姻而演变的。亲情是越久越容易经营的。我觉得亲情是二人相互辅佐而产生的,并且是通过二人的责任感而持久的。出于对社会的责任感、对父母的责任感、对儿女的责任感。我觉得就因为年少,所以我们没有培养出良好的责任感,并且也没有了解到感情不长久的这个道理,才会早恋、才会产生二十多岁结婚生子的主流。

也许是因为你跟妈妈,我对婚姻的态度非常随便。以致我对长久的感情的想法十分消极。我对现在自己的感情发展动态极度地不以为然。我不认为我现在喜欢一个人,以后就会喜欢他。所以就算他也喜欢我,我也不打算跟他交往。我觉得如果我连自己的感情都不能肯定,又怎么能相信别人呢。更何况我向往着组织一个不会给子女带来两个家庭的可能性的婚姻。我甚至想,我不认为自己能够完美地找到一个我能够生活下辈子的人。那么我就要争取生双胞胎,或者是两个岁数相差不多的孩子,这样无论他们跟了何方,都会相互扶持。虽然我的适应能力很好,但是我还是讨厌漂浮不定的感觉。从小,我就有很多个家。而这,也让我感觉没有一个家可以让我称之为家。可能就是因为这样,我不相信永远这个词。我认为永远只存在于小说家的梦幻世界。

至于奥运会嘛。我觉得还是值得回去参加的,就算是打益工也好。放在我的简历上其实是很好的历练。我不认为有快速地结束大学的这个必要。我认为2008年的奥运会是很难得能赶上的机会。我打算先不上本来预计2008年9月份到12月份要上的学,然后到2009年1月份再上。这样就把我本来预计2010年4月份的毕业推迟一个学期,到9月份再毕业。你说呢?无论你想法如何,还是帮我留意一下这方面的机会吧。

多多

哈哈~

我今天突然发现从bay一路坐车回家挺有意思的。尤其是当太阳高照,晴空万里,每个人都打扮得漂漂亮亮地出来逛街的时候。因为可以一路看着街上喜气洋洋地小摊儿小店儿笑脸迎人。一路坐着车,一路听着不同店面传出来的音乐,发觉这样可以治疗我的晕车症状呢。

看着看着,我突然发现这街上的女人比男人多。然后又发现女人都长得比男人好看。呵呵,是真的呢。改天儿你去queen街king街最繁华的地段儿去瞅瞅,真的是好看的女孩儿美不胜收,但是没几个男的。呵呵,也许男生天生骨子里就不喜欢逛街吧。也有可能天生就不喜欢打扮。更有可能这地球上女生就是比男生多、就是比长得男生好看~~哈哈

thought i was gonna die..

今天早上起床后头晕晕的,没多想就去了浴室,开始洗澡。

没想到刚洗完头,我的心跳就突然加快。快到我能感觉到那一下一下的声音狠狠地撞在我心口。然后眼前就出现了黑色的小星星,密密麻麻地布满了我的视线,让我突然尝试了瞎子的感受。

我喘不过气来,五脏六腑突然翻腾得让我恶心得想死掉。提不起气儿来的我,以为是因为浴室太热了,于是我把水关掉。却没想到小小的这么一个动作,让我头昏脑胀,好像爬了十几层楼的老太太似的。这个时候,我发现自己连站在浴池里的力气都没有。

我突然眼前一黑,无奈之下迫使自己蹲了下来。

不知道多久过后,我尝试着睁开眼睛,发现视觉已然恢复。但是子宫却突然让我疼得受不了。我感觉可能是月经来了,所以用尽仅有的力气让自己坐在厕所上。我一伸手就可以把毛巾拉下来裹住自己,但是我却疼得连这么一个简单的动作都做不来。我能感觉到冰冷的空气正在逐渐侵略我的体温,身上的水珠正在一点一点地蒸发。我掂着脚尖坐在厕所上,双腿不由我控制地发着抖。我紧紧地咬住下唇,感觉额头上正掺出点点汗水。我突然发现我全身的每一根神经都在紧绷着。

我知道如果现在不赶快吃止痛药的话,这种疼痛会持续得更久。虽然每次都会很疼很疼,但是疼到这种程度还是第一次。我下了决心站起来,用毛巾裹住自己,到外面找tylenol吃。我连着吞了两粒。由于空气冷的关系,我马上又回到了浴室。坐下来后,我马上感觉到难以忍受的反胃。我吞下去的tylenol曾两次被我吐出来。

这个时候恐惧缓缓地进驻我的肌肤,我不明白为什么身体会这般反常。我第三次将止痛药咽了下去,然后钻进了被窝。我一手让被子紧紧地裹住自己,一手捂着肚子。我没力气将身子擦干,也没力气管一直在滴水的头发。

就这样过了五分钟,我终于有了说话的勇气。我给妈妈打了一通电话。她因为工作的关系不能回来。她告诉我去喝红糖水、静静地躺着休息。我很想去弄一杯红糖水,但是实在没有力气起床,疼痛也一刻不舒缓地侵略着我的身体。

此刻,我清楚地明白独立真的不是一件容易的事情。我总是想要依赖别人,但是我毕竟是自己的主人。我的身子必须要由自己来照料。不管别人如何叮咛我,最终都要我自己去实行去照顾好自己。

不知道折腾了多久,止痛药终于开始发挥效用。从床上爬起来的我却仍然有气无力的。我跟妈妈推想刚开始的心脏疼有可能是因为浴室空气太闷、而我又心律不齐而引起的。之后的经痛可能是因为洗澡受凉、事先又没有吃止痛药预防而引起的。无论如何,我需要做一个全面检查。真的实在不想也不能再体验这种经历了。